It is becoming increasingly clear to me that my idea of what a grown up is, or should be, is light years away from the life I lead and the way I behave. Sometimes I feel like I am still 15 and have absolutely no business living in a proper house with an actual husband and 2 real life babies for god sake; on other days I can hear myself saying something like ‘we really need to sort out the insulation’ and wonder if I have by passed grown up all together and am sliding towards old age and eventual death without even touching the middle bit.
I would define a grown up as someone who regularly does the following;
1) Irons clothes even if they are not going out in them imminently.
The ultimate grown up may even use fragranced iron water but this is simply ridiculous in my eyes.
2) Knows the dates of their friends and families birthdays AND actually acts on this information in advance by;
a) picking an appropriate card from their ‘useful card box’
b) writing the card- possibly with a grown up pen- ie not a bic which is running out so that you have to trace over what you’ve already written in a different pen.
c) some days before the birthday, they post the card. (If the recipient is local this may be accompanied with a tasteful potplant or perhaps a homemade cake)
NB- in order to do this successfully the grown up will know all necessary addresses and have stamps in their wallet-always.
3) Has frozen meals in the freezer just incase of emergency.
A grown ups idea of a frozen meal is one which they have cooked and frozen themselves. Not my idea of a frozen meal which is fish fingers and waffles- maybe with beans if I am wanting to jazz it up.
4) Wakes up an hour before their child/ren in order to have a bit of time to order their mind, prepare the breakfast and get ready for the day ahead.
5) Has a capsule wardrobe so they can leave the house looking presentable whatever the weather or occasion- their children do not tip out their make up bag daily due to the hour before the rest of the house is awake. In fact, it is possible that the children don’t even enter their sanctuary of a bedroom.
6) Has an up to date diary so they do not get into a situation where they can knit a duvet from excess body hair. When they go for a wax/ haircut they book the next appointment before leaving the salon.
NB- if they wanted to knit a duvet, they could because they have the time due to their insane levels of organisation.
In comparison, this tends to be the way I roll- definitely room for improvement…
I last ironed a pile of clothes circa 2006 I reckon, to be honest, even this is a guess as I am more of a sniff, fabreeze and wear kind of gal.
I usually send a birthday text when FB reminds me that it is my cousin/friend/mothers birthday. This is accompanied by a very sincere and real intention to take over a card and some flowers which fades and dies over a period of 24-72hrs as other, more pressing tasks take over.
The other day I actually stooped so low that I put a crayon in my right hand and did a little scribble in my Grandmothers birthday card because there wasn’t time for baby A to do it! The shame.
At the moment, getting up even a minute before the baby is a challenge and, when the evening comes I am so bloody knackered, it is unlikely that I’ll even have the ability to load the dishwasher from dinner. Clearly this leads to a chase the tale situation. Aaarrrggghhh.
My capsule wardrobe includes leggings. Jesus. Shops should not sell leggings in sizes over a 14 to be honest. If they are there, it makes people think that it is ok for them to wear them.
It isn’t.
If you have a fat ass, chunky thighs or cellulite they are not for you. I know that they are easy to pull on and go but just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I MUST STOP THIS.
Don’t even get my started on the wax sitch- I felt I had to explain myself to the gyne consultant at my last appointment as I was sooooo mortified. I raised the ‘more hair than a barbershop bin’ issue with him prior to getting undressed (out of my leggings FFS!), he was obviously petrified as he went and got someone else to see me instead. I have never been so embarrassed!!!
Any who, now I am aware of my flaws (some of which were helpfully highlighted to me by Mr L following a sleepless night of feeding and clearing up sick, where he occasionally leant over to give my arm a little stroke- basically the husband equivalent of David Cameron saying ‘We’re all in this together’) I will be doing what I can to address them. To this end I have booked a personal shopper, make over and spa day, and I’ve bought myself a Jo Malone room fragrance. It’s tough but someone’s got to do it.
I hear they’re all the rage with grown ups.

0 replies
  1. Karen Strowbridge
    Karen Strowbridge says:

    I loved this one. I was discussing with my friends last week how we all still feel 20 in our heads (I am the wrong side of 30). Then I read this bit of the blog, got to number 2 and felt very smug – I have a card box! With a selection of cards for all occasions, envelopes and even stamps in. I must be a grown-up after all – hurrah! Then I read numbers 3,4,5 & 6. I am definitely not a grown-up.

    • Mumaleary
      Mumaleary says:

      Hi there Karen, I too have a card box- it is full of cards that I have bought in a grown up moment and then forgotten to write and post in time!
      I am miles away from grown up but I suppose knowing what I should be doing is a start?!
      Thanks for reading. 🙂


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