So, the ugly conversation has been had…it had to happen at some point of course but since I simply have no idea what the answer is I have tried to avoid it for as long as possible.
I am referring of course to…returning to work, earning a living, having a job…doing the 9-5 thang.
I officially finished work on Friday 4th January this year and have since resigned from my position as we moved out of the area. I have no job to go back to and no idea, literally NO idea, what I would like to return to and, since I have no idea, I can not figure out if such a role exists, if it pays well and if I am qualified to do it!
My statutory maternity pay will end on 11th October and by January I will need to be back at work or earning in some capacity.
I have 20 years of employment under my belt. My first job was packing flapjacks in ‘The flapjack factory’, (actually a kitchen tacked on to the back of a tiny terraced house) and my last was as an Assistant Team Manager for a care leavers service. In between those roles i have been a nanny, a teacher, a waitress and a bar maid. I have owned my own business and I have always, always earned my own money.
I do not like the idea of not having my own income and therefore having to ask permission to buy something or feel like I need to justify a purchase. (Point to note- my husband isn’t some kind of penny pinching tight arse) but I fear he values an antique church pew slightly less than I).
If I like something I like to be able to buy it and not have to answer to anyone. 2014 could be the very first time in my life when I won’t be able to say;

Yeah- well I like love the faux zebra print shoe and belt combo/the neon shellac/the MAC make up brush kit/The Chateauneuf du Pape and anyway- it’s my money so it’s my choice.

Ergh. Sad times indeed.
Sadly the zebra print shoes are no longer with us due to an unspeakable incident with a puppy. The belt is nothing on its own. It is a sad deflated, wrinkly balloon. I can’t look at it.

So, the question remains- what am I to do?!
If I return to work the salary needs to cover the cost of the necessary childcare otherwise it is pointless. I like my independence but I ain’t paying to work. That’s just madness and anyway wouldn’t then allow any of the above!
The role needs to be flexible enough to allow me to both take my children to, and collect them from nursery and have time off for kid related stuff.
I want something that is intellectually stimulating and does not involve working with idiots.
If the role did not need to fall within these parameters I would obviously have gone directly to telephone sex operator.
How hard can it be (excuse the pun) to purr provocatively into the ear of Nigel that I’m wearing a purple wipe clean basque that can barely contain my 34 G’s and a pair of pretty polly hold ups in sheer sherry (they’re what his Doreen used to wear) when I am actually wearing some M&S pjs and slipper socks whilst trying to mop up some supermarket own brand corn based cereal.
Very hard it would seem thanks to the invention of SKYPE.

A blog about blogging…
NB- if this IS something that you think you can do please feel free to check out this link– as soon as I googled ‘telephone sex line’ they came up.
They are also recruiting telephone psychics…bet you didn’t see that one coming! (If you didn’t see that one coming. Don’t apply. You have to GENUINELY have the gift. They aren’t in the business of conning people you know).*
I do have a BIG idea, it is just that whilst I am figuring all of that out I need to be earning some money and so- I turn to this…the blog.
I understand that some people actually earn a living from blogging. I also know that many, many more people do not. This seems like an ideal solution if it could work for me. It would answer all of my prayers. (Ok, some of them).
I would be available for coffee my children, I could write about things that I know (and know nothing) about and I could have contact with other people both virtually and in actual real life via networking, mother and baby groups and other projects that I am yet to hear or learn about.
So- this week I took the first step. I met up with someone from The Women’s Organisation and discussed how I can make this work for me, whether it is feasible and where to go from here.
I have now signed up for some of their FREE courses including
Planning for Success and
Promoting your business using Social Media
Additionally, the service has mentors, business space in Liverpool city centre and a networking business club.
Most importantly for me, the motto on the front of their leaflet is;

Well behaved Women rarely make history.

Now I’m not aiming to make history or anything but that strikes me as a pretty brilliant quote.
I will let you know how I get on and hopefully I will also be able to let you know about other women that have benefited from the WO.
If you are a woman, have a business or a business idea and are based in the North West, I would strongly recommend getting in touch with them. You can find out more about them here.
Now, obviously I am going to have to learn a hell of a lot more about the business of blogging and as I learn I will be sure to pass on any pearls of wisdom to you dear reader. What I really really want is to win a spot at the next Blogcademy so I will need to get my creative hat on, and sharpish!
So- I guess what I am aiming for is a blog which allows me to be around for my babies, to rant, rave and review to my hearts content, to make people laugh and to make people think, all the while keeping the wolf from the door. I am not asking for the moon on a stick (or a Mulberry Bayswater)** just for a little longer at home with my babies.
Is this just another pipe dream or something I can make a reality- I don’t know yet but I will keep you informed. Watch this space people.
Lots of love.
* I have no evidence to support this. They may actually be in the business of conning people. Hum…
** I AM really!

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