Buying the Perfect Christmas Gift- A survival guide for Blokes. (This blog could save your life)

So, that’s it.
Bonfire night is over and the next official big date in the calendar is Christmas.
It is less than 7 weeks away. Just 41 days people!
That means gents- and I am talking specifically to you (I know about my loyal band of squaddie readers!!) that there is only 40 shopping days remaining until your loved one is left bereft and disappointed crying into their cranberry sauce as a direct result of your lack of thought and imagination.
Sad times indeed.
You think that a poorly thought out gift is no big deal…think again my friend, think again.
A poorly chosen gift will send your Mrs’ into a tail spin. Her brain (which, by the way, is filled with images and froth from such films as The Holiday and Love Actually), will whisper things like

Before you know it there will be either a heavy silence or a pan being thrown at your face.
All happening with a backdrop of in-laws and over excited children. Before 8.30am. Lovely.

It could be you!
dailymail.com

4) Think
What is your other half like?
What is her every day all about?
If she usually pees with a toddler strapped to her leg think about an afternoon at a spa or hair dressers.
If she is all work and no play what about a weekend away watching her favourite band?
If time as a couple is lacking what about a voucher for a meal or the cinema or whatever you enjoy doing.
If she is all about the home do not, under any circumstances buy her a Hoover or a breadmaker. This will go down like a lead balloon.
Whatever she says.
What about vouchers for a cleaner or a cooking experience?
Clearly; depending on who you are dating this could be a hideous choice. It could shout;

The house is an utter tip and you even burn water. Up your game woman or I’m off.

5) Plan
Don’t leave it all until the last minute and then scribble something about getting tickets to this or that in a Clintons card. If you have booked something- get the tickets or get a print out or do something to show that it wasn’t a last minute or panic buy. Get a brochure for the venue and wrap that. Make it look planned and thoughtful. Last posting dates are here for your info…don’t leave it too late and don’t forget that really gorgeous gifts will be popular. You have been warned.
6) VIP (Very Important People)
If your Mrs is a mum DO NOT forget to get a thoughtful present from the kids- something personalised or a picture or something handmade if they are old enough is always a good idea. Try here for ideas.
Get a card from them too and make time for them to write or scribble or whatever in it.
If you are my husband- don’t encourage glitter in this activity.
If you are not- go wild!! Who cares about the little flecks of silver that will never, ever , ever be fully hoovered up.
I would advise against buying a copy of Miranda or something.
There’s a reason divorce peaks in January people.

Necklace from Posh Totty Boutique (Not on the High Street)

Man alive, imagine how awkward it’s going to be if I get none of the above.
Not only will it indicate that my husband doesn’t even read my blog- it will also mean a massively dreadful Christmas for me (and you Mr L. And you 😉 )