Eeek, I haven’t written a blog post in over a week. Am I loosing my blogging mojo?!
No, not at all, I have just been so snowed under I didn’t have time to squeeze it in.
I have got to get in touch with one of those super mums that you hear so much about and ask them how the hell they manage to manage their lives.
I am incapable of it.
My brain this week has been akin to an open filing cabinet with an industrial fan blowing all over it. Everything is all over the place. I am trying to book a holiday, organise childcare for the girls for my extra day at work, do my extra day at work, blog, put food on the table, get fit, see my friends, family, husband and not do all of this with my skirt is tucked in my knickers and an actual hairbrush stuck in my birds nest barnet. Who are these people and how the hell do they do it? Seriously, this is not a rhetorical question.
Let’s just take Sunday as a snapshot of my own abilities shall we;
Went to a lovely Christening for our friends gorgeous little girl.
Double booked ourselves so we had to apologise for missing another friends gorgeous girls 1st birthday. #Fail1
Just pre Christening we decided to make the most of the sunshine and go for a family walk. What a lovely idea. Won’t it be fantastic to amble through the woods near our house discussing the wildlife, splashing in muddy puddles and basically being the mothering equivalent of Sir David Attenborough such is my knowledge of ladybirds and the like. The girls will chatter like excited foragers and dog walkers will walk past and comment on what a lovely family we are, how more people should embrace the great outdoors and, how we have managed to raise the most incredible children in the world ever.
It goes without saying that this is in fact not how things panned out. Lets see what really happened…
Little little arose at 4:41 am. This is too early for a parent with a hangover and I bring her into bed with me. She falls back to sleep, possibly as a result of inhaling the alcohol seeping out through my pores but I am too afraid to go back to sleep so just lie there feeling the guilts. Hideous.
Finally get up at 6:43 am and head in to get the big little. She is soaking wet so needs a full change. She loves sleeping so is not impressed and lets me, and our childless guests know!! #Fail2
I am downstairs eating a plastic picnic by 7:03 am and very much wishing I owned one of these;
Have brekkie with our girls and guests which is fab until one of them says;
Wow, it’s unheard of that we are up, let alone dressed and having breakfast before 9am…
Their funeral is planned for next week sometime.
At 9:30am my awesome bestie drops round the handmade Christening gift and plays with the girls so I can have an uninterupted shower (#Win1) and Mr L can…hmmm, what was he doing actually- to be fair, he was ironing but I’m not sure if he wants me to share that with the general public so I’ll say he was lying on the couch watching Match of the Day and scratching like a bloody bloke, raaaah.
And then comes the walk…Get the girls dressed in their new outfits having found a NEXT gift card in my posh handbag during trip to Madrid (you can only imagine how thrilled I was by this).
So, the little little goes in the backpack with Mr L and the big little walks with me. The first half of the walk is fab with us stopping to check out paw prints and squelch through some mud, pick up sticks and stones etc and then we arrived at the big desination…the field where the girls can see sheep. Lovely. Who needs Disneyland?
Check my watch realise we’re cutting it a bit fine and we turn to head home.
Big little decides that enough is enough and she’s not walking anymore.
I decide that I have to take a stand and I am not carrying her every time she asks me to (by asks I mean wails and crys and refuses to move).
We walk away and the crying continues. I sit on a tree stump which is less stable than I thought and tumble backwards almost into a stream. Still no budging.
15 minutes passes and I realise that if we are going to be on time for the Christening I need to waiver. AAARRRGGGHHH.
Just then, she holds out her hand and we begin to walk. HOORAY!!
She trips over a tree root and lands flat on her face. Mud everywhere. I carry a crying child home. Obviously. #Fail3
The little little is oblivious to the racket as the fresh air and early start has knocked her out.
So, we arrive at the Christening in the nick of time and I realise after we sit down that the big littles hands are still covered in mud, as are her jeans. Everyone else’s kids are in party dresses with hair in pretty clips. Bernard is a bit annoyed by this but he looks cute!
To prevent a second crying cacophony I crack open the grapes- WHOOP WHOOP, I restocked the bag. I rule. #Win2
Grape pings out and rolls under the pew. Big little commando crawls through strangers legs to retrieve dusty grape and eats it. #Fail4
We finally get to the lovely cricket club for fizz and cake and fun and, because the hosts are truly rocking the brilliant parents genes there are plenty of toys for all the kids and fish fingers and chips (I definitely didn’t help the girls with these and have a full buffet plate and
two three slices of cake).
Glorious weather so we decide to head outside…Guess what happens now?
Cue Muma doing that shouty whisper and creeping on hands and knees to reclaim a knackered toddler!! #Fail5
I think we were able to cover our tracks??
In case you were at the Christening, we really had a lovely time. Sorry about the peas we trod into the carpet and the balls that were tipped out of the ball pool. 6 times!