I have cancelled my trip to New York.New-York-City-United-States
I know, I know, it was a brilliant opportunity, my children would have been fine and it is one of THE most exciting cities in the world. I know all of that.
I know that lots of people would give their right arm to be given such an amazing chance, let alone have family and friends supportive enough to rally around to ensure that everything would run smoothly whilst I was away. I know all of that too.
I know that I might have totally blotted my copy book and I might never be asked to go on an amazing international work trip again but only I know how I feel in my gut and I feel relieved.
I have been to New York. It is just as amazing as people say and we had a wonderful time. But, New York isn’t going anywhere and, at the end of the day I didn’t want to sacrifice 5 whole days of being with my babies for 5 days where I would possibly feel anxious, unsure and not my best self. I have battled with that feeling before.
I have known crippling anxiety and depression and I was worried that if feelings reared their ugly heads whilst I was so far away from home it would be pretty hideous, not to mention difficult to remain professional and on the ball. I know that the time would have passed and I would have coped and I also know that perhaps none of these things would have happened and I might have had an absolute ball but it didn’t feel right.
So, my boss has let me off the trip (thank you Emma) and I am left wondering whether, come the 30th April when I should have been jet setting across the pond I will berate myself for being so weak and stupid and not just going and getting on with it. What a first world problem hey. Perhaps those feelings themselves will cause me to feel low but I could only make the decision based on how I felt at the time and, in this moment it feels like a good decision.
So, what do you think…silly or sage?
Lots of Love,
So, you know I didn’t get shortlisted for the MAD Awards (sob!) you can help raise my self esteem again by nominating me for one of these bad boys instead (if you like)


0 replies
  1. Katie
    Katie says:

    Good call lady, we all do too many things that we really would rather not ~ being sad here on the 30th with your family is better than being sad & lonely across the pond…. X

  2. Ali Marshall
    Ali Marshall says:

    Gotta go with ur gut!!! Ive only left archie for 1 night and couldnt wait to get back to c him the next day. So as much as i was jealous of ur amazing opportunity, I totally understand where ur coming from.
    If you feel relieved its probably an indication youve made the right choice.
    Love ya dude. X

  3. Helen Porter
    Helen Porter says:

    I agree if it doesn’t feel right no matter where in the world you would go to you would be miserable and life is to short to be miserable I think following your heart is the best thing to do – home really is where the heart is lovely post #binkylinky

  4. BakedPotato Mummy
    BakedPotato Mummy says:

    Only you can know what’s right for you. An amazing opportunity to one person is a source of sadness and stress for another. If you’re feeling relieved, it sounds to me like you did the right thing
    Thanks for linking up with #BinkyLinky

  5. jackie
    jackie says:

    Always go with your heart – women’s intuition is one of the most phenomenal unrecognized instincts that we should all learn to worship! Well done!

  6. MsXpat
    MsXpat says:

    Sometimes we get scared and make decision based on that fear without pushing ourselves and other times we do and we find there was nothing to worry about at all. However, as a mum we are constantly faced with decision about self vs them (the children) seems to me in this instance go with you gut as you have. No if it was a personal trip then I might have asked ‘lady are you crazy’ :0) but work trip and working about your family may not be the best combo right now. Go easy on yourself :0)

  7. ghostwritermummy
    ghostwritermummy says:

    I say always go with your gut. BUT I am insanely and wildly jealous because New York has always been the one place I’ve wanted to visit, since I was a child and I have NEVER been. Dammit woman, I could’ve gone for you!!!!
    x x


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